Body Language (2)

Chapter 2

Mirroring

Who would you rather be with? Your best friend who loves pizza as much

as you do, who's crazy about basketball like you are, who watches the same

programs on TV as you; or your next-door neighbor who's a vegetarian, hates

sports, and watches those shows that will bore you to dreamland?

The answer is obvious. You would want to be around people who have the

same behaviors, attitudes, and values as yours.

Birds of the same feather flock together.

Bookworms like each other's company because they share a common

bond - their love for books. Basketball fanatics flock together because they can

RELATE to each other's interests and ideas.

If you really want someone to like and trust you, you've got to exhibit the

same qualities as that person. And there’s no better way to do this than by using

body language. Here’s how it goes:

Match their facial expressions, gestures, posture, speech, styles, actions,

breathing patterns, values and beliefs. Put yourself in their shoes. In other words,

BE THEM.

By doing this, you are also matching their way of thinking. You may easily

adapt to their inner thoughts and views.

You may also do some crossover matching. For example, you talk at the

same rate as their breathing. Or you can scratch your chin every time their eyes

blink. Get the idea?

Be genuinely interested and curious with everything you can find out about

them. Discover their attitude. Know their life story.

This is what we call mirroring.

But mirroring should not be confused with mimicry. You should act with

courtesy and caution. Never let the person you're mirroring be aware of what

you're doing. Just imagine acting out shamelessly what the other person is doing.

Every time he stands, you stand. When he scratches his head, you also scratch

your head. That would be insulting. Never let the person you’re mirroring have

any chance to think that you are mocking him.

Your main objective should be to influence the subconscious. Even if a

person is not aware that you're mirroring him, his subconscious mind realizes it.

The person will subconsciously be at ease when you duplicate his

manners indirectly. He will feel very comfortable if you're both on the same level.

Correspond with Their Moods

If a person you’re mirroring have lots of problems, don't come to him in a

joyous mood and say, "Don't worry about it. Let's watch a movie so that you'll

forget about whatever's bugging you."

He’s in a foul mood. He expects you to feel for him, to empathize with him.

Match his disposition first, then say something like, "I feel bad for you. If there's

anything I can do to help, just let me know." All he wants right now is to be with

someone who has the same mood as he has.

A word of warning though. If someone has some really big emotional

problems, and you mirror that person, you run the risk of actually absorbing his

emotions. So do this activity in a low-risk situation.

Developing Rapport

The ultimate goal of mirroring is to build rapport. It's the time when you

and the people you’re mirroring feel so close and in synch with each other that

you feel like you've known each other for years.

So how would you know if you've built rapport?

Mirror them. Match whatever characteristic, value, or behavior they

possess that you would like to copy.

After some time, touch your nose or cross your legs. If they do the same

thing, mission accomplished! You've already lowered their defenses to the point

where they are more receptive to your suggestions.

You can even build rapport even if a person you're mirroring is far away.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Just relax. Clear your mind of all negative thoughts and create a bond

by focusing on the entire body of the person you wish to mirror. Make

his image so real and vivid.

2. Use your subconscious to enter his world. Feel the connection. Give

out positive projections uniting his entire persona into yours.

3. Think of what he may be doing at the moment. Then replicate his

actions, behaviors, and principles.

With this exercise, you can even emulate your role models. Let's say you

want to be as successful as your boss who is always traveling around the world.

Do the above exercise and you'll soon see some astounding results.